Hi
utoy --
arcturs also lent me a whole bunch of DVDs in exchange for my lending him a couple. He's really very generous with his stuff -- and quite a collection of stuff he has!
I have developed some guidelines over the years for lending to my friends items in my collection -- and this includes DVDs, VHS tapes, video games, comic books, books, CDs, or anything else of some financial or sentimental value that you might have.
1.)
It's better to lend to fellow collectors. If you're lending DVDs to another DVD collector, that's an assurance (though not a 100 percent guarantee) that he/she is as finicky as you are about fingerprints/scratches on the case/disc, handling the disc by the sides instead of the surface, keeping it out of direct sunlight, not dropping it, etc. That's because fellow collectors know how damn expensive these things are and are therefore more likely to be careful with others' DVDs.
2.)
Observe how potential borrowers care for their stuff. Whenever you have the opportunity, try to see how your friends (those who borrow stuff from you anyway) treat their own collections. Someone who takes the time and effort to keep their DVD collection all together, categorized, in a safe and sanitary place is obviously far more preferable to someone who keeps their discs strewn haphazardly about the house, on the floor, with dogs and cats and small children running around.
3.)
Don't hesitate to impose your rules on borrowers. I've made this mistake before: my friend borrows something from me and I just lend it without comment, because we're friends. "Djahe naman if I sermon my friend about being careful with it." Screw that. The truth is, it's your hard-earned stuff, so you have every right to expect that it be returned in the same condition in which it was lent. So speak up! Firmly but nicely lay the ground rules for borrowing your stuff -- no need to be arrogant or cruel, you are friends after all. And if they break the rules and wreck your stuff, don't hesitate to lay the smack down as well!
4.)
If they lose or wreck your stuff, ask them to pay for it. It's only fair. When I borrow something, I consider it my responsibility to return it (promptly!) in the same condition in which it was lent to me. If I lose or break the item while it is in my care, I immediately offer to pay for/replace it. I expect others to accept the same responsibility. If they don't offer, you should remind them of their responsibility by asking (not demanding; again, always ask in a firm but fair manner, without anger) for payment/replacement. It will compensate you for your loss, and teach your errant friend a much-needed lesson about responsibility. If they refuse, well, you can't force them, but you've got to wonder if you're really friends after all -- because friends don't screw each other that way. (Of course, there are exceptions -- such as if your friend truly cannot afford to pay for or replace the lost/broken item. Demanding payment in such a case is plain cruelty. Just write it off and chalk it up to experience.)
5.)
Don't hesitate to ask for your stuff back. Some people take forever to return the stuff they've borrowed. Sometimes they just forget that your stuff is with them, so they need a friendly reminder when you feel they've had it long enough, and you want it back. A short reminder via text or email, complete with smileys, is often the best way to send the message with the least amount of embarrassment for all involved.
6.)
Just because they're your friends, don't assume they'll take better care of your stuff than total strangers. Sad but true.
I'll give you some real-world examples. I have lost many, many things to friends/acquaintances over the years because I was too shy to say anything, or I simply assumed they would take care of my things. One guy, my best friend in the whole world (and he continues to be), is notoriously disorganized at home. There's no malice involved, he's just sloppy when it comes to keeping his room and stuff in order. So one time he borrowed my NEC PC Engine 16-bit video game console, and all its cartridges. (I should point out that the PC Engine, released in the US as the TurboGRFX-16, is now considered a collector's item, and would probably fetch a good price on eBay). When did he return it? Three years later (despite my bugging him every six months or so to return it). How was it returned? The five joypads, the multi-tap, and the power adapter were all gone, as well as all the games. In short, only the console unit itself was left intact, totally useless. And by the time it was returned, the PC Engine had been discontinued, so I could no longer find replacement parts/games for it.
Another time, this same friend got sick with chicken pox. So since he was going to be laid up at home for at least two weeks, I lent him my Atari Jaguar game system for him to have something to do. When was it returned? A year later. How was it returned? With four out of five games plus the power adapter missing.
Another friend, an avid DVD collector himself, is very careful with the stuff he borrows from me, no problem there. However, he takes a loooooong time to return the tapes and discs he borrows from me. As in years. That's with me reminding him already.
But I have a relative who takes the cake. He never, ever returns his CDs or original video games to their jewel cases -- they are just discarded into a closet when he's done using them (he asked me once how come his orig copy of NBA Live 98 for the Playstation no longer works; I took one look at the horribly scratched media surface and said, duh!). He smacks his TV on the side whenever it has poor picture or sound; and then he wonders why it stopped working after a while. Double-duh! When his Playstation would have problems reading a certain disc, he would fiddle with the lens with his finger -- then he balked when he had to shell out P3000 for the lens to be replaced. Triple-duh! He once borrowed my copy of Final Fantasy VI for the Playstation, then without asking my permission he lent my copy to one of his friends. Then he totally forgot that he had lent out my copy. When I asked for it back, he claimed he had already returned it -- siya pa ang galit! In the end, I had to buy myself another copy. Quadruple-duh! He once took my Tracy Chapman CD from my CD rack (without my permission) and returned it with a cigarette ash burn on the case. Then he wonders why I always give him a hard time when he borrows things from me. Duuuuuuuuuuh!!!!!
7.) So my final rule is,
don't be afraid to say no, and give the reasons why. If your friend has a poor track record of caring for your stuff, then don't lend him anything unless he shapes up. How will they know they have a problem with responsibility unless you tell them (in a nice way, but firmly)?
