Klaus, If you at least step foot sa church then just pray for enlightenment. Like Jesus said, if you find the lost sheep it will make you happier than ever. He also said a good fruit don't grow in bad trees. I'm not insulting anybody here, but for me this is saying it is up to YOU. You can make a change and believe. Don't analyze too much, some questions will never be answered. Just buy yourself a Bible and read a few passages every night. Don't get angry and don't always ask, why this and that. For me, yun mga questions on how humans got here, sufferings, question of fairness, insults, why this happened in the Bible etc. etc. will never be answered until you meet HIM.
Good luck Klaus.